Lessons from the Living Room to the Boardroom
Years ago, when my daughters were 9 and 10 (they’re now thriving 31 and 32-year-olds), I jotted down some raw reflections about parenting. I wasn’t writing a book, yet. But what poured out of me was wisdom earned the hard way: in carpool lines, grocery store standoffs, and “final warnings” that weren’t really final. Recently, I stumbled across those notes, and I was struck by something bigger.
So many of the “parenting challenges” I wrote about are actually leadership challenges.
The lack of follow-through. The confusion caused by misaligned words and actions. The need for consistent boundaries. These aren’t just household hiccups; they’re the very issues I now help executives, sales leaders, and healthcare professionals navigate in the workplace. The parallel is undeniable:
Parenting is leadership. And leadership, at its core, is relational parenting for grown-ups.
So in honor of summer, and in honor of all the parents or caregivers juggling it all right now, here are timeless lessons I learned from raising children that also elevate our ability to lead humans of any age.
- Your Word Is Either Gold… or Garbage
When a parent says one thing and does another, the credibility gap widens. “We’re leaving in five minutes” becomes fifteen. “If you keep that up, we’re not going to the party”… turns into a hollow threat.
Sound familiar?
In leadership, this behavior erodes trust just as quickly. If you say you’ll follow up, and don’t, trust tanks. If you promise coaching and deliver micromanaging, credibility dissolves. Whether you’re leading a team or a toddler, consistency builds safety. Safety builds trust. Trust builds performance.
Leadership Translation: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Then match your actions like your integrity depends on it—because it does.
- Worry Comes from Inconsistency
“My mom said she’d buy the birthday gift, but last time she forgot.”
“My boss said I’d be up for promotion, but it’s been six months of silence.”
When children can’t count on your word, they worry. When employees can’t trust your patterns, they get anxious. And anxious minds don’t focus on joy or results, they fixate on what might go wrong.
Leadership Translation: Set clear expectations and honor them. Be someone people don’t have to double-check.
- Rewarding Persistence, or Pestering?
Ever witness a parent give in after their child asked 37 times for candy in the checkout line? We’ve all been there. But here’s the truth: what you allow, you teach.
The same goes for leaders. If your team pushes past boundaries, revisits closed conversations, or expects “maybes” to become “yes” with enough lobbying, you’ve trained them to do so.
Leadership Translation: Be clear. Be kind. But close the loop firmly. “I’ve made my decision and I’m done negotiating this matter” works at home and in the office.
- No Consequence? No Change
Parents who don’t follow through on consequences end up with kids who don’t listen. “Why doesn’t he clean up his room?” Maybe because he doesn’t have to.
Likewise, leaders often ask: “Why isn’t my team taking this seriously?” Maybe because there’s no real accountability, just a lecture and a shrug.
Leadership Translation: Accountability is an act of care. Without it, behaviors repeat. With it, standards rise.
Let me put it this way: this isn’t brain surgery, it’s Shamu training. No trick, no treat.
- Drama is a Learned Response
Children who yell, stomp, and demand often have one thing in common: they’ve learned that behavior gets results. Same for employees who escalate, over-email, or dominate meetings. When they see tantrums work, they repeat them.
Leadership Translation: If you respond to drama with attention or concession, you’re reinforcing it. Teach calm communication. Praise emotional regulation. Set boundaries early, often, and clearly.
- Constant Reassurance Creates Insecurity
When your word isn’t consistent, your child (or employee) will keep asking:
“Are you sure?” “Do you really mean that?” “What if things change?”
Needing constant reassurance is a symptom of previous uncertainty. It’s not about confidence, it’s about clarity.
Leadership Translation: Deliver clear, complete communication and honor it. Trust grows in certainty’s soil.
- Buy Time Without Losing Trust
One of my favorite parenting tools became one of my favorite leadership tools:
“Let me get back to you after I’ve had a chance to think about it.” It works wonders.
Rather than responding in the moment, especially when caught off-guard, I learned to buy time, gather information, and circle back with a thoughtful response.
Leadership Translation: You don’t have to answer everything immediately. You just have to close the loop completely when you do.
- Clarify Expectations Like You’re Training for the Olympics
Telling your child to “clean their room” is not the same as saying,
“Make your bed, put toys in the basket, and dirty clothes in the hamper.”
Telling an employee to “step up” is not the same as,
“I’d like to see you take more initiative by running the next client meeting.”
Leadership Translation: Assume nothing is obvious. Spell it out. Clarity prevents conflict.
- Healthy Feedback Builds Connection
When my girls would successfully recap what I’d asked of them, I’d affirm them with something simple like: “Wow, you’re a great listener. You remembered everything!”
Even small feedback loops create big moments of connection and confidence.
Leadership Translation: Recognition doesn’t have to be grand to be meaningful. Notice. Name. Nurture.
- Practice Calm Like It’s a Leadership Muscle
Kids can smell stress. So can your team.
If you want your children (or colleagues) to manage stress, self-regulate, and show up grounded, you go first. That means managing your own tone, self-talk, and reactions.
Leadership Translation: Regulate yourself before trying to lead others. That’s emotional intelligence in action.
In Summary: Leadership IS Parenting… Just Without the Carpool
Whether you’re leading toddlers or teams, the principles remain the same:
- Say what you mean and follow through.
- Be clear, not confusing.
- Reward what you want to see repeated.
- Create calm and consistency.
- Model what you want mirrored.
So if your kids are home this summer and your patience is thinner than your Wi-Fi signal, take a breath. You’re not just raising kids. You’re practicing some of the most powerful leadership skills on the planet.
And one day, those kids might just thank you for making your word gold. Just like your team.
