Dear Colette,
I work two days a week in an orthodontist’s office and am home the remaining three days with my children who are 1 and 2 ½ years old. When my husband comes home from work, he complains if I want to go out for awhile to get a break from the kids. I’m not talking about going out to party, just to go for a walk, go to a bookstore or meet a girlfriend for a cup of coffee. He says that I get a break from the kids when I’m at work. Part of me feels guilty for wanting to get away and he works all day too. What should I do?
Guilty Mother
Dear Guilty Mother,
I read once that being a part-time worker can often be more challenging than being a full-time worker (now listen up readers before jumping down my throat). You see, when you work part-time people have a tendency to assume that you have plenty of time. The part time worker often feels compelled to give more on the job to prove that her reduced hours don’t reflect a reduced work ethic. When home, others forget that this is not the daily routine, and so you’re expected to attend all the birthday parties, volunteer, and watch your neighbor’s children when necessary. You have limited time with your children so you want your days together to be about play and connection, not laundry and cooking. In other words, you’re burning that candle at both ends and you’re burnt out.
Your spouse may feel that you get a break from the children at work, but this is about how you feel. You’re feeling empty and you’re looking for a healthy way to get filled. Guilt is just anger turned inward because you can’t do what you want. You have a choice. Depending on finances, you can either find a part-time babysitter during one of your day’s off (or switch kids weekly with a neighbor or friend) or you can decide that “Tuesday” night is your night to go spend a couple of hours outside of the house and leave the children home with hubby. Be consistent and leave weekly. This is Mommy’s time and you’ll be shocked at how rejuvenated you feel when you return. You need to split to get perspective and know how happy you are to have this family to go home to. The other option is to feel bitter and low-energy as you stack the blocks on the carpet or give in to late night nookie. Be clear and ask for HELP!