Dear Colette,
I’m going through a rough time. I’m unemployed and everytime I call my Mother she says how she’s “worried about me” or “I’m stressing her out” since I haven’t found a job. I just want her support but all she does it make me feel even worse after the call. What do you suggest I say?
Dreading the Call Home
Dear Dreading the Call Home,
It’s tough to stay connected to those we love when they’re unable to give us the support we truly need. We also have to ask clearly and directly for what we want. If someone is unable to deliver on our request, we need to simply accept them for who they are and realize their limitations. I suggest you say the following during your next call home. “Mom, I’m going through a challenging transition right now and doing my best to find work. When you share with me your worries and concerns, it adds additional stress to the situation. During our conversations I would appreciate if you would just listen and send your positive support. It would mean a lot to me.”
If your Mother is unable to change her patterns you may end up having to say the following: “Mom, I love you and always will. Just know that if I’m not connecting right now, it’s not out of love. At this point I just need to reach out to people who believe in my worth and can let me know they’re behind me during this time of transition.” Best wishes finding work you enjoy.
