A senior executive recently shared a story with me. During a strategy session, a director presented a proposal with one glaring flaw. The executive leaned forward and said, “Let me correct something before this goes further.” He was calm, composed, factual, and entirely accurate.
The room went silent. Not because he was wrong, but because every person felt the oxygen leave the table. One correction, delivered without curiosity, shut down an entire team’s willingness to speak up for the rest of the meeting.
He later admitted, “I was so focused on precision that I forgot about people.” It wasn’t the flaw he pointed out. It was the way he held the spotlight that changed everything.
The Gap Between Intent and Impact
We’ve all been on the receiving end of someone who chose to make us feel foolish instead of informed. Same information. Completely different impact. Remember that sting? That’s your reminder to do better when it’s your turn to share knowledge.
How we deliver truth shapes how it is received. The same information can build a bridge or burn one. And in an age where AI can deliver facts faster than we can type them, the differentiator isn’t what you know, it’s how you make people feel when you share it. This is The Human Edge™, the skills AI can’t replicate.
Great leaders don’t just correct, they connect. They don’t just point out what’s wrong; they illuminate what’s right. They understand that the goal isn’t to prove how much you know. It’s to help others know more, too.
When Authenticity Becomes a Weapon
I recently read an article that reminded me how easy it is to confuse authenticity with a license to unload. Many of us have heard comments like “You have a strong personality” or “You tell it like it is.” On the surface, these can feel flattering, like a confidence boost. But often, these statements are coded attempts to say something far less complimentary.
Here’s the translation guide nobody asked for but everyone needs:
“You have a strong personality” often means you shut people down and overpower the room.
“You tell it like it is” often means you’re unfiltered and it hurts people.
“You’re strong willed” often means you refuse to bend even when bending would help.
It’s a humbling reminder that our intent doesn’t always match our impact.
Part of mastering The Human Edge™ is recognizing this gap and choosing to close it.
Two Stories, Same Lesson
At Work: A financial advisor told me about a colleague who consistently jumped into team meetings with, “Let me stop you right there and tell you what’s actually going on.” The colleague saw himself as efficient and informative. Everyone else saw him as dismissive and exhausting.
When he shifted from interrupting to asking, “Tell me more so I understand where you’re coming from,” everything changed. His credibility went up, not because of what he knew, but because of how he chose to show up.
At Home: During a family game night, someone joked, “You’ve never been great at strategy anyway.” Everyone laughed except the person it was aimed at. What was intended as light teasing landed as a reminder that they weren’t seen or valued.
A more connecting option? “Come play on my team, our styles balance each other out.” Same moment, completely different message.
The Language of Connection
Words are the most powerful tool in your leadership toolkit. Here are simple swaps that protect relationships while keeping your message clear:
- Instead of: “You’re wrong.”
Try: “Help me understand how you arrived at that.” - Instead of: “You should have known that.”
Try: “Here’s something that might make this easier next time.” - Instead of: “That makes no sense.”
Try: “I’m not sure I’m following. Can you walk me through it?” - Instead of: “Why would you do that?”
Try: “What was your intention there?” - Instead of: “That’s just who I am.”
Try: “I want to be self aware, so help me see how that landed.”
These phrases don’t dilute truth. They deliver it with dignity.
When You’re On the Receiving End
What happens when you’re the one feeling the sting? When someone’s “correction” feels more like a public flogging?
The key is to not show defensiveness. Try this: “This is what I thought I heard you say…” and then pause. Give them space to clarify or walk it back. If they double down, you can follow with, “That didn’t land well with me. What’s your intent in sharing that with me?”
This approach does two things. It buys you time to manage your emotions before you respond, and it puts the spotlight back on them to explain their delivery, not just their message.
Judgment is the opposite of curiosity. When you feel that defensive wall going up, that’s your signal to get curious instead. What’s driving their reaction? What might they be worried about that has nothing to do with you?
When You’re the One Who Messed Up
If you’re the one who spoke out of turn, delivered a correction like a hammer instead of a scalpel, own it fast. Try this: “I spoke out of turn and it was inappropriate. I’m sorry. My goal for this conversation is…” and then clarify what you actually wanted to accomplish.
This language does something powerful. It separates your clumsy delivery from your genuine intention. It shows you’re self aware enough to recognize the gap and humble enough to bridge it.
Know When to Speak and When to Zip It
Just because you’re thinking it doesn’t mean it deserves airtime. Part of emotional intelligence is recognizing which truths belong to you and which truths belong in a private journal. Before you speak, run a quick self check:
- Is this helpful or just satisfying?
- Am I sharing to connect or to correct?
- Is this the right time or am I choosing convenience over care?
- Will saying this create closeness or distance?
Sometimes emotions are a signal that you need to say something. Sometimes they’re just noise that needs to simmer down. The trick is knowing the difference. If that angry voice in your head about the new policy, the team decision, or your colleague’s comment won’t go away, examine it. Ask yourself: Does this emotion demand action? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Either way, you’ll gain clarity and be ready to act when the time is right.
Manage Your Emotions to Manage the Room
Here’s the truth nobody talks about: The person who can regulate their emotions gets to set the tone for everyone else.
When you respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you give permission for others to do the same. When you deliver a correction with care, you model what psychological safety actually looks like. When you admit you got it wrong and apologize, you show that vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s strength.
Leaders who practice this pause, whether around a conference table or a holiday table, show respect not only for others but for themselves.
Your Year End Practice Ground
As you close out the year, consider this your invitation to choose connection over correction. To deliver truth with generosity. To offer feedback with clarity and respect. To value being effective over being right.
These aren’t seasonal behaviors. They’re year-round commitments that elevate your leadership, your relationships, and the quality of every conversation you create.
If the holidays test your patience? Good. That means you’re human. And it means you have the perfect training ground to practice The Human Edge™.
Because in a world where AI can deliver information faster than ever, the skills that matter most are the ones that help people feel seen, valued, and capable of doing their best work. That’s not something a machine can replicate. But it is something you can choose, every single day, in every single interaction.
Every moment is a choice: Will you be someone’s teacher or their critic? Will you build them up or tear them down? Choose connection. It’s the only correction that truly matters.
