I’ve spent much of my life believing I was a pretty good judge of people.
Growing up on the south side of Chicago, reading people wasn’t just a useful skill. It felt necessary. You learned to pay attention. To read a room. To notice what wasn’t being said. To trust your instincts.
That ability served me well over the years. Or so I thought.
Years ago, I was asked to serve on a committee with another professional speaker. Before we ever worked together, I had already formed an opinion about him. You know how quickly that happens.
A few conversations. A couple interactions. Some observations that somehow become conclusions.
My initial read? He seemed a little too eager. Always ready with an idea. Quick to jump in. Plenty of energy. If I’m being honest, I remember thinking, “Take it down a notch. Don’t you realize you’re coming across a bit pushy?” Nothing dramatic. Just a reaction.
Then we spent several months working together. And little by little, my perspective changed. What I interpreted as pushiness wasn’t pushiness at all. It was enthusiasm. What I perceived as trying too hard was a genuine desire to contribute. What I initially viewed as excessive energy turned out to be commitment, passion, and a willingness to do the work.
Once he became more comfortable with the group, I got to see a different side of him. The ideas he brought to the committee were thoughtful. His contributions were valuable. His commitment never wavered.
Looking back, I wasn’t seeing him clearly. I was seeing him through my own filter. That’s the tricky thing about perspective. It rarely announces itself as an opinion. It shows up disguised as truth. And that can create problems for all of us. Especially leaders.
The longer we lead, the easier it becomes to trust our instincts, rely on our experience, and assume we’ve seen this movie before. Sometimes we have. Sometimes we haven’t. Sometimes we’re looking at a completely new situation through an old lens.
The employee misses a deadline. We decide they aren’t committed.
The customer asks a lot of questions. We decide they’re difficult.
A colleague doesn’t respond to an email. We decide they don’t respect our time.
A team member resists a new idea. We decide they’re not on board.
Notice what happened. An event occurred. Then we assigned meaning to it. Most workplace conflict doesn’t start with bad intentions. It starts with unchecked assumptions.
The challenge is that assumptions feel efficient. Questions take time. Assumptions allow us to move quickly. Questions force us to slow down. Yet the leaders who build the strongest teams are rarely the fastest to judge.
They’re the fastest to get curious. Curiosity creates understanding. Understanding creates trust.
And everything moves at the speed of trust.
Trust is what allows people to speak up.
Trust is what allows teams to collaborate.
Trust is what keeps customers loyal.
Trust is what helps people navigate change.
Without trust, communication suffers. Relationships weaken. Productivity declines. With trust, people are more willing to share ideas, raise concerns, admit mistakes, and work through challenges together. The problem is that trust becomes harder to build when we become overly attached to our own perspective.
I see this happen every day.
Leaders assume they know what motivates employees.
Employees assume they know why leaders make decisions.
Sales professionals assume they know what a client wants.
Customers assume they know why a company acted a certain way.
Family members assume they know what someone meant.
The assumptions pile up. The questions disappear. And the stories we create become the reality we respond to.
What if we challenged those stories more often?
What if we paused before turning observations into conclusions?
What if we acknowledged that our perspective may be valid without being complete?
One of the most valuable leadership skills today isn’t confidence. It’s the ability to challenge your own certainty. That doesn’t mean becoming indecisive. It means remaining open. Open to new information. Open to another viewpoint. Open to the possibility that there is more to the story than what you currently see.
When you find yourself frustrated by someone’s behavior, try asking these four questions before drawing a conclusion. What are the facts? Not assumptions. Not interpretations. Facts. What do I actually know? What story am I telling myself? What meaning have I attached to the situation? What conclusions have I jumped to? What else could be true?
This may be the most powerful question of all. It creates space between reaction and response. It reminds us there may be information we don’t yet have. Whose perspective haven’t I considered?
The employee’s?
The customer’s?
The colleague’s?
The family member’s?
Perspective shifts often begin with better questions. Consider customer service. We’ve all had experiences where we felt ignored, frustrated, or disappointed. In those moments, it’s easy to create a story about the person on the other side. They don’t care. They’re incompetent. They’re being difficult.
Maybe. Or maybe they’re overwhelmed. Maybe they’re dealing with a problem we can’t see. Maybe they’re doing the best they can under challenging circumstances. The point isn’t to excuse poor service. The point is to understand before judging. Because understanding changes how we respond. And how we respond impacts everyone around us.
The same principle applies at work. When leaders seek understanding before judgment, employees feel seen. When team members ask questions instead of making assumptions, collaboration improves. When people become more curious, communication improves. When communication improves, trust grows. And when trust grows, obstacles come down. That’s The Human EdgeTM.
Not having all the answers. Not being the smartest person in the room. Not having perfect instincts. It’s the willingness to remain curious when certainty feels easier.
Today, everyone has an opinion. Many people have already decided who’s right, who’s wrong, who’s difficult, who’s capable, and who’s not. The real advantage belongs to those willing to look again. Those willing to ask another question. Those willing to challenge the stories they tell themselves. Including the story that their perspective is the only one that matters.
Because perspective is powerful. It influences what we notice, how we interpret events, and how we respond. But perspective has a flaw. It feels like the truth even when it’s only one version of it.
So before you conclude that someone is difficult, disengaged, unreasonable, resistant, or wrong, pause.
Ask another question.
Get another perspective.
Challenge your certainty.
You may discover what I did years ago while serving on that committee. The person isn’t the problem. Your perspective might be. And that realization could change everything.
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