Not long ago, a friend living in a mid-sized city was facing a serious health issue and required immediate surgery. As word got around to the family, one family member living in a major city that boasted of an impressive medical center, insisted our friend must seek out a specific surgeon she recommended who had impeccable credentials. It was a back-and-forth argument.
However, the feedback the surgeon received was about 2-stars out of 5. The chief complaint was his lack of caring and terrible listening skills. Though no one questioned the surgeon’s credentials, his patients reflected his lack of compassionate care.
To the dismay of the self-righteous family member, our friend sought the help and counsel of a “solid surgeon” in her city. The surgeon was kind, listened to her concerns, and took the time to explain the procedure and to answer all of her questions in detail. He was an excellent communicator, and calmly talked to her before surgery and again until the moment the anesthesiologist sedated her. He maintained a high-level of emotional intelligence.
The procedure was successfully performed, and her recovery went quite well. She credited her recovery to the fact that the surgeon “cared about her as a person.”
In today’s fast-paced and often impersonal world, the story above serves as a powerful reminder that emotional intelligence remains an indispensable quality, fostering deeper connections and more positive outcomes in every aspect of life.
Put the following 7 tools to use to cultivate a greater sense of emotional intelligence and maximize your ability to build healthy relationships and increase your effectiveness:
- The Awareness Tool. To be more emotionally intelligent, understand what you don’t know, and admit it. Seek counsel, admit a lack of knowledge, and give up being defensive. People respect honesty and that includes being honest with yourself. Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know and you can’t grow if you don’t know.
- The Acknowledgment Tool. Be willing to admit that maybe you are wrong about something and acknowledge it. Others admire such perception. A person willing to entertain another viewpoint is seen as open to change and cooperation. We live in a time of “silo thinking,” and in fact, entire cable news stations are built on that premise, but is it right? We should remain curious and be ready to accept other views and to challenge our own.
- The Acceptance Tool. Be authentic and be real. To do so is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Why? Instead of beating yourself up over the past or things you cannot change, you’ll use that energy positively. What makes us all so special is sometimes an issue of what life has dealt us. You don’t have to be perfect. Accept your past and embrace your imperfections. You will have plenty of company who admire your authenticity.
- The Attention Tool. As the expression goes, “Be Here, Now.” If you value the presence of others and appreciate the honesty and trust others are placing in you, affirm them, see them, appreciate them – and tell them that. When we disengage from others, even if we believe we are “faking our attention,” they will feel it and all trust will deflate from the room. When trust is broken it is virtually irreparable.
- The “Asking Tool.” Not asking for what we need is neither humble nor empowering. Emotionally intelligent people learn how to state their desires without sounding as though they are presenting a full list of demands and decrees. It is OK to ask, it is perfectly fine to let others recognize your needs be it for more training or more salary.
- The Assertiveness Tool. We operate in a multi-generational, global workforce filled with unconscious bias, microaggressions, different communication and personality styles so we’re going to have conflict. Learning how to communicate what is real for you in a clear, sincere and respectful way is key to maintaining healthy relationships.
- The Appreciation Tool. In all things, emotionally intelligent people understand the power of appreciation. Both from the perspective of showing others sincere, specific appreciation and feeling grateful for their own circumstances. Appreciation keeps us mentally and emotionally healthy, and it also forces us to have greater respect for others.
Emotional intelligence is something we cultivate from deep within. Emotional intelligence is mindful and intentional, and no matter your background, education, IQ, age or income, a sense of emotional intelligence can be cultivated and refined.
